


Spring Breeze

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, so much pining, the rest of the kids will make an appearance somehow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:13:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22596865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jisung had many assumptions about Hyunjin, only one of which turned out to be true.orJisung went through one long heartbreak watching Hyunjin's heart break several times.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is stolen from a Flumpool's song (春風 - Harukaze - lit. translated into Spring Breeze). I don't think the lyrics totally match the plot of this fic but i would want the audience to feel Jisung's longing like what I felt from the guy in the song.

Jisung first met Hyunjin when they were both in their first year at university. By the time they were officially introduced to each other, the other had already been friends with half of Jisung’s circle for a while. That was why Jisung had already known what Hyunjin looked like before Seungmin called him over to hang with them at Chan’s party. And what he looked like was an absolute doll. Tanned smooth skins adorned with drops of sweat that sparkled under the light during school dances, bright round eyes that curved into crescent moons at the slightest sight of humour, full lips that formed a perfect and persistent pout on his face. And if Jisung hadn’t been self-respecting enough, he’d have gone on about the little mole under his left eye too. But that would sound borderline obsessive and admittedly, a tinsy bit creepy and Jisung refused to be like the rest of them when it came to Hyunjin and his ethereal beauty. And by 'them', he meant the whole populace of his university, boys and girls alike. The general consensus regarding Hwang Hyunjin was that everyone would be either smitten or at least, intimidated by his looks at various points in their life. The first case could have been applied to Jisung but he, using the sheer strength of stupid pride, resisted the force of the universe (read: how Hwang Hyunjin looked dancing in a silk blouse drenched in sweat) and effectively swerved himself back to the second's lane. So by the end of the term, he had already convinced himself that he was, in fact, indifferent to Hyunjin. After all, that boy was not the only attractive person he'd seen in real life. He was friends with Minho, a dancer with the face of a Greek sculpture and the rest of his mates were a good looking bunch. Jisung himself did not fare badly in the looks department. All in all, there was no reason for him to be threatened by, or obsessed with, Hyunjin. 

After all, as the pretty boy was recruited into his group of friends and started to hang out with them more, Jisung's problem with him turned out to be a completely different issue. They just couldn't click at all. If they were so much as in the same conversation, they'd fight. The reasons were always something so trifling, Jisung would always forget what they were. By the time he went to bed that night, the only thing he could remember would be Hyunjin's whole body tensing up or convulsing with blown up hatred before the stifling frustration sitting dormant in his chest would just knock him into sleep. Their fights were always so intense because both of them could go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, but at the same time they were, as Seungmin so eloquently put it, stupid. Their friends used to be concerned and tried to talk them into making amends. But after three months of observing the pattern of these endless arguments and scuffles, they realised that Jisung and Hyunjin never really intended to hurt each other and that they never even remembered what the fight was about in the first place. Thus, the rest of them came to the conclusion that whatever this thing was, it wasn't serious (or  _ that _ serious) and did not deserve an immediate and official intervention. So the next time Jisung sneaked a snarky remark about Hyunjin being late to Seungmin's performance, Chan just shushed him and sent them both a warning glare. They were both good boys at heart so they didn't fight back but settled for sulking for the rest of those five minutes before Seungmin came on stage and dazzled them all with his honey dripping voice like he always did. 

Just like that, they managed to get through their first year successfully and somewhat together. The frequency rate of their fights gradually declined until it became static and they just either avoided each other or opted for some occasional across the table dirty looks. Jisung thought the turning point in their relationship, for him personally, was when he came across Hyunjin crying behind this really old and half abandoned building in the campus. His first instinct was to run away from the scene like an over self-conscious bystander, but as Hyunjin’s sniffles progressed into this increasingly intense sobbing session, he had no choice but to turn back and try to face whatever Hyunjin’s problem was. As he was approaching the other, he could see his shoulders shaking so badly in a hopeless attempt to keep his crying under control. The wind was especially chilly and vicious in this part of the campus and Hyunjin was already so skinny and frail.

‘Why are you wearing so little in this weather?’

Not a great way to start a conversation with someone who was bawling their eyes out. Jisung made a mental note to himself as he stopped dead in his tracks surprised by his own words. He didn’t have a specific plan in mind as to how he’d handle this. But anything would have been better than a nagging tone. A simple ‘hey’ or just pat on his shoulder would have sufficed. Jisung held in his breath as if any other noise coming from him would just make the situation worse. He carefully watched Hyunjin freezing up in his spot and tried to estimate their current distance in his head. Approximately a three-step gap. It wasn’t too close but close enough to make it impossible for him to pretend like he didn’t exist and to resume running awaying. 

‘What?’

Hyunjin finally looked up. His eyes were a bit swollen and visibly wet with tears, but he still tried his best to shoot a glare at Jisung. With the way the outer edges of his eyes were fighting hard not to drop downwards in an attempt to exert hostility, he sort of looked like a wounded puppy, which Jisung thought was, to be honest, cute. 

‘Leave me alone.’

When he saw Jisung not giving him any response, he gave up with an exhausted sigh. All that crying had probably drained every ounce of energy left in his body. And that realisation somehow triggered an aching sensation inside Jisung’s chest. It was brief, but it was there.

‘How can I when you look like that?’

He said. The kind words and soft tone caught them both by surprise. And they just sort of stared at each other for a while.

‘It’s not like you can help.’

‘Then I won’t try to.’

Another minute of silence passed by.

‘I can’t tell you why I’m crying.’ 

‘Then I won’t ask.’

Ten seconds of silence passed by with a set of very wide puppy eyes adorned by confusion just staring at Jisung trying to detect any suspicious bit of mischief (or dishonesty).

‘Then why are you still here?’

‘I’m just… here.’

Jisung counted to five in his head before sitting down next to Hyunjin, still carefully maintaining a safe distance between them.

‘Hyunjin, I’m just here.’

One, two, three, fo.. And then he saw it. Two streams of tears just burst forth from big dark brown eyes silently running down soft round cheeks. Instantly, he put an awkward hand on the crying boy’s shoulder. He didn’t try to speak, but the whole time he couldn’t keep his eyes off that face, mentally taking note every time one or two drops of tears went ashtray and got caught on Hyunjin’s bottom lip. 

‘This is not fair.’ Jisung thought to himself. ‘No one should be this beautiful when crying.’

\---

After that incident, their relationship did not get significantly better, but there were times Jisung could see Hyunjin holding himself back from a snicker or a snide remark when he  _ accidentally _ did something stupid. And in turn, Jisung realised he had started to fake sulking whenever he had to bring Hyunjin’s drink (along with the rest of the group’s) to the table for him instead of throwing a whole-hearted tantrum like before. Both of them didn’t go out of their way to talk to each other, but they also stopped going out of their way to find faults with the other. And Chan, being the observant leader of the pack that he was, noticed the shift in their dynamics and watched them growing more tolerant of each other’s presence in the group outings for a while before he decided they were ready for phase 2.

‘I think Jisung should make the next track for Hyunjin’s part in their next dance evaluation.’

Chan casually said one time when they were in his makeshift studio. He, Changbin and Jisung had been producing music on the side for a while and they’d been responsible for the occasional original pieces the dance club needed when they went on competitions. But Jisung was more interested in slower songs and lyrical raps so he was rarely involved in these projects and when he was, he mainly produced simple background beats for Minho, his childhood friend whose dancing style was something Jisung knew at the back of his hand. So, the thing was Jisung wasn’t exactly well-versed in making music for the dance club, let alone for Hyunjin, who had been his sworn nemesis until just a few months ago.

‘Errr, hyung, why me?’ He asked, unsure of how to react when Chan acted like this was not a big deal. But it was, right?

‘Yeah, why him?’ Even Changbin had stopped working to chime in.

‘Well, Changbin had to finish writing his part of our next release. And I had some personal business which would keep me pretty busy for the next few days. So the only option left was clearly you, who had finished everything and was, I quote, “bored to death”.’ Chan explained lazily but with a shoulder shrug at the end for emphasis.

‘That sounds legit. So why do I smell bullshit?’ Changbin narrowed his eyes and voiced Jisung’s concern for him.

‘Because you have trust issues?’ Chan replied with a head tilt and the other just continued to stare at him, eyes full of suspicion.

‘Okay, even if that’s the case --’ Jisung interjected.

‘It is.’ Chan smiled at him. Reassuringly and all that. 

‘Then why can’t you just give him one of your unreleased stuff? I’m sure he’ll find something to use.’ He almost creamed in frustration.

‘I can’t give anyone a work that I’m still not 100% happy with. Besides, he said he wanted to try something slow and sensual this time. Isn’t that your forte? Changbin and I are not as good at that kind of stuff’

Jisung’s ego caught on to the blatant compliment and let his pride swell, subsequently letting his guard down for a . second. Chan saw his opportunity and dealt his final blow.

‘I don’t think anyone could help Hyunjin with this but you.’

‘Oh, alright.’

Jisung said, missing the way Changbin mouth ‘What are you planning?’ at Chan and how a tiny smirk graced the oldest’s lips swiftly before he turned back to his computer. As if he hadn’t just pulled something.

\---

'What do you want?'

Hyunjin asked as he saw Jisung peaking into the dance studio at 9 in the evening. No one was here. Minho wasn't here. Therefore, Jisung's presence was clearly questionable.

'I..uhmm..well … waiting for you?'

Jisung did not know why he uttered that as a question. 

'Why?'

Hyunjin started walking towards Jisung, which made him tensed up even more. But Jisung had mastered the art of faking composure in the face of adversity so he tried to relax his posture and tactically avoid eye contact by taking a sudden interest in the phone on his left hand. He hoped Hyunjin would read all that as  _ charismatic nonchalance _ .

'Why are you acting weird?'

Nope. Turned out Hyunjin was actually not dumb.

'Okay. Chan hyung sent me here on a mission.'

'What mission?'

'I'm producing the music for your next dance.'

Jisung tried to sound as if he didn't think it was a deal. Hyunjin's furrowed eyebrows signaled a different idea.

'For the whole performance?'

The more confused Hyunjin got, the calmer Jisung felt. 

'Nope. Just your part.'

'Why?'

Hyunjin's eyes got comically large. He always did that when he was genuinely surprised, which, admittedly, happened a lot. Pretty boy was as easily shocked as he was amused. He was always more prone to being dramatic than the rest of them.

'Chan is busy. So is Changbin. The only one left is me.'

Jisung said echoing Chan's tone and expressions when he reasoned with him earlier. Hyunjin spent a few seconds watching him then the floor, then back to him. Right when Jisung was about to say something, he gave him the slightest nod.

'I guess I have no choice then.'

He turned around to collect his stuff mumbling something along the line of 'this is so unfair' to himself. As Jisung watched him, a feeling akin to contentment started to bubble up in his chest for no reason.

\--

The month leading up to the dance club yearly evaluation was rather chill, yet intense. Jisung and Hyunjin had to meet up a few times to discuss the music. Sometimes they had lunch at the coffee shop near their campus, sometimes they ate Jeongin's leftover curry in his shared kitchen with Jisung, sometimes they had these crazy smoothies infused with powder protein outside of Minho's gym, or sometimes they just shared a pack of biscuits Hyunjin stole from Seungmin's bag when he didn't notice. The point was they met, they ate and they talked. A lot. But they did not fight. Not at all. And they didn't realise that until Felix casually mentioned it to Hyunjin over dinner.

'Hyunjin, where did you disappear to this afternoon? Minho and I were looking for you.' 

Felix asked with a mouth full of spaghetti.

'You were? I was at Chan's studio with Jisung. He wanted me to listen to what he's got so far.'

Hyunjin replied, his attention still fully on the plate of fries in front of him.

'You've been hanging out with him a lot these days.' Felix said casually then mulled over it some more, before continued 'You guys done fighting?'

'Huh?' 

Now he got Hyunjin's attention.

'You two got better this year. But you got a lot closer lately.'

Hyunjin groaned as a reply. He wished he hadn't heard the insinuation dripping off Felix's sentence.

'It's just for the track, you know.'

He finally said hoping it would shut the other up.

'Alright. I believe you.'

Felix let out a chuckle before standing up to rinse his plate off.

'Didn't ask you to!'

Hyunjin shouted after him. But he doubted he had got his point across, whatever the point was.

\---

'Hey, do you think we've been hanging out a lot?' 

Hyunjin's question caught Jisung off guard. They were sitting on the bench outside the library trying to finish their soda before the next class.

'Well, I still hang out with the others more. But if we were to compare to how it was before then i guess this is considered  _ a lot _ .'

It appeared to be too complicated an answer for that question because Hyunjin looked as if he stopped paying attention half way through it.

'Do you think we've gotten closer?'

Another question. But this time Jisung chose a different approach.

'Do  _ you _ think we've gotten closer?'

Hyunjin looked visibly annoyed with him.

'But I'm asking you!' 

He almost whined the last word out, his long arms flailing around making the point for him.

'And now I'm asking  _ you _ .'

Jisung was starting to find this fun until Hyunjin stood up and gave him an incredulous look.

'Forget it.'

He turned to leave. But Jisung didn't want him to. He hadn't finished his soda yet.

'Sorry, sorry.' He reached out to grasp the hem of Hyunjin's hoodie. 'But seriously, why do you ask?'

Hyunjin stopped moving away, but he didn't sit back down either. Taking a glance at Jisung's fingers tugging at his hoodie, he found his momentary irritation just sort of evaporate into the cool autumn's air.

'Felix thinks we're getting closer.'

He said, eyes still not on the other boy.

'Who cares what Felix thinks?'

Jisung shrugged then let go of Hyunjin's hoodie. He threw his soda can into the bin and stood up next to his taller friend. The gap between them was barely a one-step distance before Jisung closed it and bumped his shoulder with Hyunjin's.

'But I don't hate hanging out with you  _ that _ much anymore.' 

At this proximity, Jisung could almost smell the faint whiff of Hyunjin's shampoo. And he found himself suddenly too self-conscious to remain his  _ charismatic nonchalance _ . So, he walked half a step before Hyunjin and in an anime-worthy manner, continued with his back to the other.

'If we were to compare to how it was before then I guess this is considered  _ getting closer _ .'

Then he walked away all coolly cussing his lack of a third eye, because he really  _ really _ wanted to see Hyunjin's face at that exact moment.

\---

Hyunjin stopped asking Jisung about what their friendship, if he could call it that, had progressed into after that conversation. Jisung, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about it. And about Hyunjin.

He started to question himself how they came from the point of being ready to throw punches every time one of them so much as mentioned the other's name to sharing drinks and stealing snacks together now. If he put it into words like this, it definitely sounded like something both abrupt and absurd. But the way it just happened made him feel like everything was just a natural course of actions. Besides, since their default mode was fighting, Jisung hadn't even bothered to get to know Hyunjin. However, now that they had actually talked and Jisung had learnt a thing or two about the other boy, he had to admit that he wasn't half as bad as Jisung tried to convince himself. In fact, if someone had him held up at gunpoint and forced him to be completely honest with himself, Jisung would say Hyunjin was the opposite of what he thought he was. But that scenario seemed far-fetched and as any other self-respecting 20 year-old man, he saw no point in complete honesty, especially not to himself.

But, and it was a huge ‘but’, guns were to be involved and honesty was his only salvation, Jisung would say these things about Hyunjin. He used to think that _pretty boy_ thought the world would be handed to him on a silver plate just because he was, well, _pretty_. As it turned out, Hyunjin was just tirelessly hardworking. more so than most people Jisung had come across and sometimes would even rival Chan, who could spend countless sleepless nights in his studio just to get a beat right. He used to think that Hyunjin was a shallow individual void of any depth at all just because he had hardly heard anyone around him, except for their close circle, say anything else about him aside from the fact that he was, well, _so_ _pretty_. But as he listened to Hyunjin talk about dancing and how he wanted Jisung’s track to be so that it could represent and enhance his choreography, Jisung realised that boy really really _really_ loved dancing. And he was good at it too, frighteningly so. Jisung always wondered how it was possible for Hyunjin to store all that energy, passion and _talent_ in that skinny body of his whenever he watched the lithe figure moving gracefully and dancing across the studio trying to get his emotions across to his only audience during their late-night discussions. And Jisung used to think that Hyunjin had to be the type that was too self-involved to care about other people because it would only make sense when other people tended to give in to him, before he even asked, for he was just _that_ pretty. But once Jisung stopped looking at him as if he was the bane to his existence to actually _look at_ him, he realised Hyunjin was kind and sometimes, sweet too (but that was a thought he would withhold from the world even if guns were involved). He took photos of his friends when they hung out somewhere nice and he didn’t just take them, he made sure they were from the best angles and he spent a lot of time just tweaking the colours so that the photos had a certain ambience. He made sure Jeongin and Jisung, whose parents were living in different regions, had a good holiday whenever they couldn’t reunite with their family during short break. He invited them home, made them feel welcome and his mom would cook them some of the best meals of their life. His whole family just exuded this warm and kind aura, which Jisung was beyond thankful for when he couldn’t stay with his mom and dad. Though Hyunjin’s dog definitely had something against him.

So, if Jisung had to be honest with himself, he had misconstrued Hyunjin’s character and dynamics with other people for almost a year. And if someone were to analyse it and laid everything out side by side, this whole misconception of Hyunjin was rooted from the only thing he knew about Hyunjin that was still proven to be true, which was the fact that Hyunjin was, well,  _ pretty _ . And devastatingly so. He was the kind of pretty boy that kept getting prettier the more you look at him. If Jisung picked apart his features, nothing would be extraordinary, except for those full lips. But all of them together? An otherworldly combo. Everything was in perfect harmony with the others making people want to keep watching him forever. A minimalistic, yet critical beauty. Jisung guess that was also congruent with Hyunjin’s dancing style, which was why he thought it was bullshit that some people would say Hyunjin only got so far in the dance team because of his physical attractiveness. Hyunjin was pretty, but he was almost ethereal when he danced. When he swayed his body to the reason and all sorts of emotions emerged from his whole being with every move he made, Jisung felt himself relentlessly pulled in. He just couldn’t stop watching.

‘Jisung?’

A soft voice pulled Jisung out of his trance of thoughts.

‘Huh?’

He blinked then the rest of his body followed, roused from numbness in a light shake. All of a sudden, Hyunjin was standing in front of him. So close.

‘I’ve finished my routine.’

Hyunjin said, voice still so soft and slightly tingled with confusion.

‘Yeah? You did?’

Jisung said, still a bit dazed.

‘I did! You weren’t paying attention!’

Hyunjin stepped back, and dropped his body on the cold floor of the studio. He pointed an accusing finger at Jisung, but his voice lacked the tone of a conviction. He was just whining. He liked doing that. It was also one of the surprising parts about him that Jisung had discovered over this past month. 

‘Hey, I was.’

Jisung looked down at the sulking face under him, and he felt his composure slowly but steadily coming back to him. He crouched down until he was at eye level with Hyunjin.

‘I swear I was.’

Pretty eyes narrowed at him, inspecting his honesty. Then finally, Hyunjin broke their eye contact and glanced at the way his fingers were balling into small fists on his knees instead.

‘So?’

He asked hesitantly. And Jisung melted a bit, but still not enough to stop him from teasing this pretty boy a bit more.

‘So?’

‘So what do you think?’

Hyunjin asked impatiently. His eyes were back on the other now. And Jisung wasted no second before answering him, as if he was afraid those eyes would leave him again.

‘I think you were amazing.’

And with that, Hyunjin’s eyes lit up. He beamed at Jisung before suddenly going in for a hug.

‘Thanks.’

He said, his breath ghosting over the hairs at Jisung’s nape. At this proximity, Jisung could clearly smell everything that was Hyunjin.

And he did not know why, not yet, but right at that exact moment, he had the distinctive feeling that he was, completely and utterly, fucked.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Phobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since they stopped barking at ecah other any given minute, Jisung started to learn more about Hyunjin and in the progress, accidentally unearthed devastating secrets about his pretty friend and maybe, himself.

The dance evaluation was over and Hyunjin's team won the overall second place along with another group. They all congratulated him on the result because their university dance club was extremely competitive and being ranked second out of seven incredibly talented teams was already an impressive feat. But Jisung was still bitter about it.

'You should have won first place.'

He grumbled into the thick bundle of scarf around his neck. It had been getting significantly colder and they were huddling together as they walked back to Hyunjin's place after the group's celebratory dinner. Felix and Minho had gone to another party with their dance team, and there was a drama Hyunjin wanted to catch up on, but it was slightly above his tolerance to horror, which was pretty much non-existent to begin with. Hyunjin had a weak heart when it came to these things.

'The winning team was just too good. It wasn't a close match at all.'

Hyunjin let out a quiet laugh sending a thin, misty cloud into the cold air. Maybe he should feel more upset about this.

'Aren't you disappointed?'

The moment he said that Jisung realised he shouldn't have. After all, more than half of their fights in the past were brought on because Jisung had no mouth filter whatsoever. He was too insensitive to stop himself from saying hurtful things by accident while Hyunjin was too sensitive to stop himself from getting hurt all the time.

'Sorry. Didn't mean to ask that.'

He said immediately, carefully peeking at Hyunjin to see his reaction. To his surprise, Hyunjin was just staring at him quietly, eyes carefully tracing whichever part of Jisung’s face that wasn’t hidden inside his thick scarf. Silence ensued between the two of them. 

‘You’ve really matured a lot.’

Eventually, Hyunjin spoke first. His eyes had left Jisung for a brief second before, as though he was wary Jisung would know the statement was directed at him. And this time, it was Jisung who stared in silence. He just wanted to see what Hyunjin looked like when he said it. But maybe it was because of the thickening air of a late winter’s night, maybe it was Hyunjin’s long bangs falling over half of his face, maybe it was Jisung’s own bundle of scarves, he just couldn’t. 

‘Thanks, I guess.’

After a minute and several beats of matching steps, he said in a quiet voice. The distance between them was just a thin thread of air.

\---

Jisung learnt another quirk of Hyunjin that day. He didn’t like people talking while watching dramas, and during climatic events, even other people’s  _ breathing _ seemed to offend him. Jisung was just walking back into the room after getting a soda when Hyunjin glared at him like he had committed the worst crime since the invention of eggplant dishes (Oh yeah, he  _ hated _ that too).

So when the bell suddenly rang and Hyunjin looked to the door with the most intense hatred Jisung had seen on someone with a bunny headband on his head, he instantly started to pity whoever it was behind the door.

‘Who is it?’

Hyunjin ran to the door, which was sort of unnecessary (and  _ uncharacteristically  _ cute) because Jisung had paused the drama for him. 

‘Your favourite hyung, Changbinie!’

Jisung chuckled, knowing he was ready to see Hyunjin’s ‘favourite hyung’ get the same treatment he got just a minute ago. After all, the character Hyunjin liked was about to die under the hand of his lover. So, he stood up and lazily trotted up to the door. He needed to witness this at a better angle.

But, the strangest thing happened. Hyunjin opened the door to a shivering Changbin, who greeted him with a toothy smile and a plastic bag of takeaway food. The faint smoky smell leaking out of the tightened bag slowly reached out to their olfactory nerve and summoned up images of shiny sizzling pieces of gopchang over burning coals.  _ Hyunjin’s favourite _ . Then the oldest of the three, shoes still untied, jumped inside the apartment and almost simultaneously, enveloped Hyunjin’s thin body in a hug. And instead of shoving him away, or whining about the grilled food being right next to his freshly shampooed hair, Hyunjin just melted into the hug. The corners of his full lips timidly, but visibly rose up in a small smile. Then, he circled his long arms around Changbin’s huge padding, and after a brief second of indecisiveness, landed just around the part where his waist should be, his hands intertwined tightening the hold just a little bit. And Changbin said, in a cheery tone but still somehow maintaining that husky quiet quality, ‘You’ve done well, Hyunjinie’. At that exact moment, Jisung saw his friend freeze for a millisecond. From where Jisung stood, he could see the wholeness of Hyunjin’s body. Then, he blushed. A pretty shade of pink, almost unnoticeable, slowly adorned the tip of his ears.

Eventually, they broke apart, and Hyunjin waited for Changbin to take off his shoes before following him into the kitchen as if it wasn’t his home but the other’s. Jisung tried to walk behind them, but he stood back, just three steps away from the kitchen. From there, he could hear Changbin crack another stupid joke and Hyunjin giggle almost instantly at the punchline. Like he was the funniest man in the world.

Jisung turned to look at the TV screen. The drama was still on pause. Hyunjin’s character was still fruitlessly fighting off the deathly chokehold his lover was having on his neck. He was on the brink of death, choked by his own love, and abandoned by Hyunjin.

Another chime of giggles ensued. Jisung, awakened from his own thoughts, just shrugged it off and went to join his two friends in the kitchen. Hyunjin was watching Changbin setting up the plates for their late night snacks. Then their eyes met and he instantly beamed at the older man, eyes turning into crescents. Changbin’s entire face softened before he reached his clean hand out to pinch Hyunjin’s cheek, the same side where his little mole sat.

Suddenly, Jisung just wanted to go home. It was late. And he didn’t even like Gopchang anyways.

\---

Jisung tried to think nothing of what he saw between Changbin and Hyunjin in that small apartment that day. After all, what he saw was  _ technically _ nothing. He could hardly call two friends sharing some gopchang, a fitting snack for an innocent winter night  _ scandalous _ . And when he tried making an excuse to go home, Changbin even told him to stay so that they could walk home together later since they lived on the same floor. There was literally  _ nothing _ to make out of what he saw that day.

But he also saw the way Hyunjin looked at Changbin all night. The subtle intensity in his eyes and his undivided attention. It was like Changbin was the only man in the world (he wasn’t even the only man  _ in the room _ ). He saw the way Hyunjin subconsciously leaned his upper body towards Changbin and one of his legs secretly tangled with Changbin’s thicker one when the older man was telling him some trifling details about his day. Hyunjin was keeping himself quiet, lost in the other’s voice and whatever entertainment he could offer. He was just listening, but his body language was so loud that at one point, Jisung couldn’t hear what Changbin was talking about at all.

Jisung wasn’t dense. He had never written any love song and could hardly finish a 200-page romantic novel for school. But he wasn’t dense. He knew  _ feelings _ and how they manifest, how they unravel.

He knew Hyunjin had  _ feelings _ for Changbin.

And the more he watched the tall dancer the more his suspicion got confirmed. Jisung tried not to watch. Because deep down, he knew this was something delicate, and private to Hyunjin even though he had unwittingly laid it out in the open for Jisung to see. But he couldn’t stop doing it. Even though they were on better terms and had gotten a lot closer, as Felix had suspected, Jisung still had troubles finding the right words to say when he wanted to talk to Hyunjin. So, he had opted for watching him instead. He had convinced himself that he needed more information about the other until he could be sure of what words to say, what tone to use so that he wouldn’t hurt, annoy him or jeopardise whatever they were building (even if it wasn’t a  _ conscious _ effort). Hyunjin was the passive type. He wouldn’t tell Jisung what he did wrong or what he himself wanted. He would just let their budding friendship fizzle out and fade into oblivion. But Jisung couldn’t have that. He had decided that he liked Hyunjin’s company.

But all he ever noticed these days was how Hyunjin looked at, laughed with, and touched Changbin. His eyes were filled with adoration, though sometimes sparkled with hinted mischief, his laughs full of pure amusement and his touches laden with implications. Sometimes Jisung could see Hyunjin, surprised by his own naive admiration, tried to look away, or shove Changbin away even though he was always the one who initiated cuddles. But no matter what he did, there was always this lingering fondness in the air. It just hung there, like a stubborn cloud that wouldn’t dissipate like how clouds were supposed to. 

So, there they were, hanging out with the whole group in the eatery just outside the university like they always did on Friday. And Jisung caught himself staring at the invisible cloud over Hyunjin’s head, who was now putting his chin on the crook of Changbin’s shoulder and listening to him telling the whole group his top 5 mishaps of the week. 

The clouds had gotten so big now. Jisung wondered what would happen if the cloud got too heavy on its own? 

_ Would rain be pouring down? _

\---

Jisung found out Changbin and Hyunjin had been sleeping together  _ by accident _ . He didn’t walk in on them, but Jeongin did. And the poor child was just too overwhelmed by the image of his two close friends, both of whom he considered brothers, to be doing  _ that _ together. So by the time Jisung arrived at the studio, he was already full-on breaking down in front of Chan. 

‘Oh my God, I can still see it!!’

He cried out loud, his hands rubbing over his eyes furiously.

‘What did you see?’

Jisung asked curiously. He had no idea what was happening. But delirious Jeongin wasn’t really a rare sight so he didn’t take it too seriously.

‘Oh, Jisung?’

Jeongin stopped mid-wailing to look at the source of the sudden question. Then he glanced over at Chan as if asking for permission. But then again, Jeongin was never an obedient, or patient, child, so he just blurted out before Chan even got to react.

‘Changbin and Hyunjin!’

That got Jisung’s attention.

‘What about them?’

‘They’re..they’re… they’re doing it!’

‘They’re doing what?’

‘It! They’re doing it!’

Feeling unreasonably blindsided, Jisung just stood stock-still staring back at Jeongin, which his little friend rightfully mistook for confusion.

‘SEX! They’re having sex! Putting the snake in the cave! One’s key in the other’s lock! Just… SEX!’

Between the very creative euphemisms and Chan spilling his drinks all over his clothes, Jisung was effectively brought back to this dimension. 

'I got it, Jeongin. No need for the illustration.'

He patted the kid's back and went to give Chan the pack of tissues lying around on their desk.

'Well, you looked like you didn't.'

Jeongin reasoned with him before going back to gouging the remnant of whatever he saw out of his eyes.

Jisung watched him do that and Chan frantically wiping off the angry red mark his watermelon juice left on his hoodie, his only non-black one. It was almost comical how everything was happening in quick, rapid frames in front of him, yet Jisung felt like he was in a daze, or a motionless world where nothing seemed to be moving in tune with the others. There was a dull sensation spreading all over his inside, and he didn’t like it. So he went over to the sofa, and in almost robotic movements, removed the loads of bags to the side, until he could sit down and let himself sink into it.

After a while, Jeongin got a call from Seungmin, who appeared to be very upset with the fact that Jeongin had stood him up for the third time that week,  _ accidentally _ or not. He apologized profusely and ran out of the studio, phone awkwardly pressed between his ear and raised shoulder as he struggled to put on his jacket in the process. In just five seconds, he was out of there, as if he wasn’t just here bringing them such earth shattering news.

Then it was quiet for a while until Chan spoke up.

‘So, Changbin and Hyunjin huh?’

Still drowned in his own silence, Jisung reacted a beat too late. 

‘Yeah, Changbin and Hyunjin.’

Chan looked at him curiously. He was about to say something before he decided against it. Whatever it was on Jisung’s mind wasn’t worth pursuing then. Or ever.

So he just stood up, patted Jisung’s shoulder before going on to collect his stuff on the sofa. They called it a day.

\---

The whole group didn’t talk about  _ the incident _ after that. Since neither of the actual parties involved had brought it up, they guessed the only decent thing to do was to stay quiet about it and waited until Changbin and Hyunjin were ready to talk. Or if they didn’t want to talk about it at all, the group would respect that too. After all, who was boning who (or was there anything else beyond the boning), it was a private matter. But no matter how hard all of them tried to act as if nothing had happened, the inevitable tension was still there, one that was to be expected when the thing everyone at the table wanted to talk about was also conveniently the one thing that they couldn’t bring up. Before the dramatic event leading to this awkwardness, only Jisung had been watching how Hyunjin acted around Changbin, but now, it just seemed like a switch had been flicked on overnight and all of them were suddenly wired to be conscious of every little interaction, or just a simple look, an accidental eye contact between the two of them. It was hard for curious young men to dance around an open secret. They had been a very close group of friends. They had told each other everything. And now two of them were sleeping with each other. It was just hard.

So before the tension petered out like they were all expecting it to, Hyunjin broke first. Jisung wasn’t sure he could use the word ‘break’ to describe the situation, because unlike a typical Hyunjin meltdown, which usually happened all too fast and too intensely, this one just unfolded itself slowly, and in an almost non-traceable pattern. But Jisung could see it. So clearly.

Hyunjin was putting a distance between them. He started to have more schoolwork to do, more project partners to meet, more home visits and suddenly, more high school friends to reunite. Naturally, he started to have less time to hang out with them. They didn’t really take notice at first because after all, they all had lives outside the group. But Jisung had seen it coming before it even happened. Hyunjin was the passive type. He couldn’t bear tension. Nor could he confront it. So the only feasible solution for him was obviously avoiding them all until things just magically sorted them out. Or not. 

But Hyunjin avoiding the group means Hyunjin avoiding Jisung. They were getting closer but Jisung was still just  _ part _ of the group to him. If Hyunjin were to call up any of them for a two-person hangout session, Jisung would, at most, be his fourth choice. He was no Seungmin, who Hyunjin would trust enough to willingly cry in front of him and turn to every time he felt like the world had wronged him. Hell, he wasn’t even close to Jeongin or Felix in that term.

He was just someone who caught Hyunjin crying once. By accident.

Yet, he cared. He cared so much. He didn’t know why he cared at all but he did anyway. He couldn’t put his feelings into words (in retrospect, maybe he could have but wouldn’t in fear of the implications of it all) but his feelings were snowballing into this  _ thing _ in his heart, vaguely reminiscent of an ache and distinctly resembling a panic attack growing in slow motion.

It was the third week in a row of him not talking to Hyunjin as a result of the other’s tactical move to deal with this whole thing. He was feeling restless for reasons he was not willing to put words on. So here he was, at the eatery and on an idle Friday night, sandwiched between Seungmin and Jeongin, who, again, were squabbling over things that could have made more sense to him if he hadn’t spotted the empty space next to Changbin across the table. And out of the blue, it hit him, like sudden lightning striking across clear sky, that he really wanted to see Hyunjin. He needed to see Hyunjin.

So he just stood up, mumbled the first excuse he could make up to the group, and hastily maneuvered himself out of the mess of limbs under the table before finding himself running across the street, heading towards the direction of Hyunjin’s rented place. Jisung didn’t have time to look at anyone to see their reaction to his sudden departure. He missed the way Chan quirked an eyebrow at him, missed Minho’s quizzical face as he walked past him on the way to the door, missed the way Seungmin titled his head while trying his best to keep Jeongin from standing up to shout at him. He missed the way Changbin just stared at him, his intense brown eyes following Jisung’s figure as it disappeared into the crowded darkness and towards a familiar direction.

\---

Jisung started to panic the moment he pressed on the bell outside of Hyunjin’s door. He really hadn’t thought this through at all. He didn’t know what to say, how to act and to be honest, he was sure he was among the last person that Hyunjin would expect to see then. What could he tell the other if he asked for a reason? They weren’t close enough to act as if a purposeless visit at 8 in the evening wasn’t worth any explanation. As Jisung organised his thoughts and listened to the rumbling of Hyunjin’s footsteps behind the door, he bitterly realised the distance between them.

‘Jisung?’ Hyunjin sounded unsure and small on the other side.

They were only a flimsy door apart. But somehow, Jisung felt as if he was looking at Hyunjin from as far afield as another dimension. He felt powerless.

‘Yes. It’s me.’

Jisung answered, voice quiet and low. His head lightly knocked against the white door. All he heard was silence, then a click.

‘Hey, Jisung. What’s up?’

Hyunjin opened the door and looked at Jisung, the first time in nearly a month. His eyes were a bit puffy, lips still full and hair a mess. But he was still so pretty. Devastatingly so. And Jisung’s heart finally gave in, aching in his chest. He wondered if anyone anywhere had ever felt like this? Like their heart was so full of something they couldn’t put a name on, so full that they were scared it would burst at any minute. Like they were afraid of losing control over nameless desires but they were out of options, they had no choice. 

So he looked at the boy in front of him, half hiding behind the white door. His hand was itching to reach out and tuck in that long strand of black hair, but he willed himself to keep it in his pocket. Letting out a soft sigh, he smiled at Hyunjin. He hoped his smile didn't look too sad.

‘Hey, I’ve missed you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make it longer but I guess it's more reasonable to end the chapter at this part. I really like how this story is unfolding in my head but my brain refused to work for it. There've been times I started to write but cannot find the right words (the common struggles of us, non-native speakers). But I hope this has been an adequate second chapter, enough to pull you along the journey.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! I write mainly for two things that I love: 1. the characters (guess who's my bias and second bias? lol) and 2. the validation. So thanks for giving me just that!

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've gone MIA and now returned with a new CHAPTERED fic when I haven't even updated my Changjin one in months (and others in years). But I write when I'm stressed and inspired so I pretty much have no control over this. However, I've already planned how this one would end (the dialogues and everything) so I truly hope you could bear with me and stick around for this one. 
> 
> And writers (don't know if I could call myself that) live off validation so it'd be nice if you like it enough to drop some kudos and comments (i love comments!).
> 
> P/S: I've written parts of this on my phone and I haven't had the time to give it a thorough check for grammatical and other kinds of errors. If anything bothers you, please kindly point it out for me. I'd appreciate it!


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